Ah... the blog post I don't want to have to write. This has been a really really hard 3.5 weeks. I fell that far behind on writing to David, then slowly caught up. That's why, by the time I wrote it, it sounds like I have things together. Here we go:
So, let's see. Carlie was an extra in a JK! Studios filming... can't wait to see our FAMOUS DAUGHTER, playing Party Guest #16 in a non-descript segment of something sometime soon. Such a good experience to get dressed up in "trendy clothes, preferably navy, dark gray, possibly a dress, be sure to dress it up with things like scarves, etc." She looked super cool when she left. =) Here's the glamorous life of filming:
Also forgot to tell you that Lucy was mesmerized by Jeff's beard when he was trying to show everyone pics of Hawaii... Couldn't take her eyes off Jeff's facial hair... maybe it's time to get rid of it all!!
Tuesday, Miranda took these haunting pics on campus... everything's in a fog...
or hey, a happy cloud!
After school, Connor built a snowman on the patio table with his new Snowman Kit:
And then Wednesday morning, our lives changed. My mom texted the family on our WhatsApp chat: Pray for Dad. The paramedics have no pulse.
?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
Then they said they had done everything they could, but he passed away. There was this numb, peaceful, sad calm. We went in to see him and spend some time grieving around him. I'm surprised how much it helped to sit with his body and talk about him and cry and laugh with my mom & siblings for a couple hours. Six of us live nearby; the other 3 we FaceTimed in so they could be with us. It was the worst. And wonderful. And terrible. Sad, joyous, horrible & peaceful, all at the same time.
I had this picture on my phone of the last time I saw him: My house for the Christmas party right before Christmas. I'm SO GRATEFUL that we had an excuse to get everyone into one picture to wave and say Hi to Kate. Everyone was so happy & willing to take the picture. =)
During the day, Halle & Kierste got welcomed into Beehives by their YW leaders... they weren't all done crying, but what a nice bright spot on their otherwise dismal day.
Connor's little bestie Nathan brought him this:
And these posts came in from Morgan & Carlie:
And I just relied on my sister's post, unable to take the time to go find pictures myself to post about my sweet dad.
After spending the night at my mom's that night, I found it surreal that we were sitting the very next day in a FUNERAL HOME, helping my mom make decisions about my DAD'S FUNERAL. With this unreal peace... I'm not saying that any time I was by myself, driving, brushing my teeth, etc, that I wasn't crying. I'm so glad I was able to get it out for those few days... I would have been really worried if I hadn't burst into tears when I clearly saw him and his mannerisms in my mind.
When I got home on Thursday, I found that my new MiaMaids had spent the Mutual the night before, writing me little notes and left them on my front door. What a sweet idea.
A little levity during all of this. Found by my children:
Friday, Jeff went to the twin's classroom play, Pandora's Box, where they played Jealousy and Deceit. I heard they did SO GREAT. Can't wait to watch the video.
Webslinging happened.
Friday was another day spent as a daughter, checking out headstones and gravesites. I'm so happy we were able to be right there with my mom. And Christi had flown in!
A LOT of reminiscing, laughing, sobbing, while we wrote obituaries, called around for grave prices, and helped plan what was next.
In case you hadn't gotten this yet, my dad was kind of into guns. This was hanging on his wall. There were clever memes all around. =)
My friends and Madsen family sent me these gorgeous flowers. =)
But this was the day that Zeus went to the vet with Jeff. It's the worst. Zeus doesn't have the hip dysplasia that we thought he did, that can be corrected with surgery, etc. He has arthritis spreading through his spine and knees. There's nothing the vet can do, so we're trying to come to grips with having to put him down in the near future. He got some shots and some meds to hold it off for right now, because we REALLY can't deal with it... Zeus is only 5, and we love him so much.
I'm not sure if you could tell, but the subject title is one of my dad's favorite songs. He liked to listen to John Denver, The Beach Boys, etc. I've been doing one of the worst projects ever: listening to my dad's favorite songs while I comb years' worth of pictures for a slideshow for his funeral. It's been heart-wrenching to come across him with my children over the years while I listen to his songs say "Take good care of my baby/ Just let your love surround her/ Paint a rainbow all around her," and the worst song of all... one that I hadn't even known was one of his favorites: "Everything I Own." It sounds like it was written when the artist lost his DAD.
You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew,
Were all the years I had with you
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew,
Were all the years I had with you
And I would give anything I own
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again
You taught me how to love
What it's of, what it's of
You never said too much,
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
What it's of, what it's of
You never said too much,
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know,
The part of me that can't let go
The part of me that can't let go
And I would give anything I own,
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again
Is there someone you know,
Your loving them so,
But taking them all for granted?
You may lose them one day
Someone takes them away,
And they don't hear the words you long to say
Your loving them so,
But taking them all for granted?
You may lose them one day
Someone takes them away,
And they don't hear the words you long to say
So as a bright spot Sunday morning, Elder Bednar posted pics & vids of his tours with religious dignitaries of the ROME TEMPLE. That has to be the coolest!!!
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Sunday evening we ate with everyone at my mom's... she is handling this like a woman who has lived close to Heavenly Father. She has so much peace and understanding. Although in her quiet moments, I'm sure there are tears, she talks to us openly about Dad's death as something that happened because Heavenly Father was ready for him, and she trusts Him with her life and his. That's how I feel, too, and I'm so surprised that I can stand up straight and be okay with this. But I have to. The Holy Ghost is here with me, comforting me. What else am I going to do? It's literally impossible for me to fall apart because I'm being held up by God.
Cousin time is the best.
The funeral is next Saturday, and all 9 of us siblings are speaking!!! Wish us luck!!!!
MEMES!!!
I loved this little rash of snarky responses to workplace notes...
And this collection of Dad Watching the Kids memes. Dads are the best.
DADS ARE THE BEST.
Love, US!!!
P.S. And just as I suspected, I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I sent each of these other emails, because his email keeps popping up as a suggestion, and I'm not sending this to him for the first time. =)
